" I said "I'm going to fuck you all night if you don't tell me." Becky said "Well, I guess we will just have fun all night then won't we because I won't say." Kelly looked over and said "Don't tell him Becky. Remember our plan. I will tell him later." I said "Tell me what?" Kelly said "You'll find out." I sat my glass down and told Becky "I know how to make you talk." and I started hugging her and kissing her neck. Her neck isn't as sensitive as Kellys is and I thought that now, I have to find her spot and work on it. Becky said "Let's go sit in the Jacuzzi for a minute." She looked at Kelly and when Kelly nodded, I knew they had something up their sleeve. Becky and I climbed into the Jacuzzi and sat on the edge. Becky sat her glass down and stood in the Jacuzzi in front of me and put her arms around my waist and started kissing my chest. I put my hand under her chin and raised her head and we started kissing. Then I slid on the water and hand my arms around her waist. I learned to stay still. To take off my clothes, to recline on a not too uncomfortable piece of furniture, in a not too uncomfortable but revealing pose, to keep my eyes open, and to stay still. There was no one to reveal myself to, there was no one into whose eyes to lock my gaze, I looked into emptiness, into a corner of my large room with its sparse furniture, high ceiling, large windows, bare walls onto which the sun drew its patterns, shadows of the huge old trees outside, but I defied the temptation to look at the patterns as they moved, as the wind blew through the leaves and branches, as the sun moved slowly across the sky — I looked into nothingness, as I stayed still, as I looked into her eyes, into her dark eyes, and into her crystal ones. Sometimes, though it scared me, I settled down opposite the big mirror and, for hours, looked into my own eyes. I never sewed my lips or my labia, but, occasionally, to prove to myself that I could, I pierced them with sewing needles. I.
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